My Solitude

SOPHIE’S WORDS: Spoken, Written and Sung

For the first time in more than 25 years I spent 3 days and nights on my own.

My Solitude – 3rd July 2017

I have enjoyed my solitude.
I have enjoyed my solitude because it is finite.
I have enjoyed my solitude because you will come.

Unbroken reverie,
Undisturbed sleeps in a king size bed without the King,
Only broken by my stirrings, my sounds, my heat, my smell.
Watching guilty pleasures on TV for as long as I can bear.
Shopping for one,
A feast of favourite things,
Eaten when hunger strikes,
Not because it is dinner time.
Toilet door unlocked,
Sometimes even left wide open,
Only the dog can peep in to my private world.
I use one water glass,
One mug, maybe two.
The washing up builds slowly,
A diary of my solitary dinner parties.
Stained plates tell each story
As tea leaves at the bottom of a cup.
I buy one fig at the greengrocer
Because it looks good.
The radio is on in a far off room,
Other peoples conversations,
But conversations all the same.
I tune in, or out, as I please.
I eat mindfully in case I choke.
Puts me off snacking, in case I am punished.
I let my hair sit a little longer
In its accumulating dirt,
Revitalised and unpeeled when I finally get round to showering.
My inner peace is loud,
To drown out beckoning fears.
I walk the dog and run my 5K with compulsive discipline,
Even though it is only I who will know.
My tinnitus becomes more apparent,
Cocooning me in a white noise cell.
The days go quicker than I hoped,
Achieving less than I imagined.
A faint whiff of disappointment lingers,
An objective glimpse of unrealistic expectations,
A context for who I am now.

I enjoy my own company.
I am beginning to realise this.
Years of family, children, dogs, cats, mortgages, husband
In no particular order.
I have forgotten about my own company,
In fact I don’t know if I ever knew it before.
I am my new friend.
Quiet, sad, unexciting, very relaxed,
With everything in common,
Easy to be with,
Comfortable with silence.

I have enjoyed my solitude.
I have enjoyed my solitude because it is finite.
I have enjoyed my solitude because you will come.

 

3 thoughts on “My Solitude

  1. You have beautifully described MY happy life in your experience of solitude which is made perfect because I know you are there for me too. xxxxxxxx

Thoughts